For Lad’s birthday, and never again no matter how much he wants to, we watched the often referenced but rarely endured “Gymkata,” the film that tries to combine the excitement of karate and gymnastics, and ends up ruining both in the process.
Normally, I hate bagging on a film. They’re complicated products, part commercial, part artistry, and the sheer number of disparate interests that have to be corralled into one unified effort to make a movie is something few of us who won’t hesitate to call a movie terrible or ridiculous could begin to accomplish.
But this movie hurt me and I can’t stay impartial, much less positive. I hate this movie. It is nothing but 90 minutes of running and lazy attempts to shoehorn gymnastics into fighting scenes.
Oh, and there is an unfair amount of upshort shots of olympian Kurt Thomas, who deserved better than this.
That’s his CIA training. Handstand walking up stairs. I mean, he does other things, too, but the movie really wants you to know he can do this. Thank heaven he was wearing underwear. How do I know? Well, that’s because his batch gets close enough to the camera that we can tell.
Anyway, the CIA training is meant to prepare him to infiltrate a contest in eastern Europe that seems to be little more than a ropes course where you die at the end.
If you survive the deadly ropes course that is this episode, go and check out our audio commentary track and listen to us watch the movie that broke me. After that, go play outside, and remember, always take the stairs feet first.